The Art of Silence
by atwoz
Summary: Spoilers for 4x02 Just a fun little look at what would happen if Deeks really had put Kensi's little touche dance in his report. Kensi's POV.


**A/N: Okay, so ever since I saw the cute little "touche" scene I've wondered what would actually have happened if he had reported it to HR and thought it might be fun to play around with it. Not sure if it's just a oneshot or if there's more of a story lurking here?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Otherwise series 4 would have had an extra episode and not a 4 month cliffhanger!**

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"Mr Deeks? Ms Blye?"

Hetty leads the way through the bullpen toward her office. I look over to Deeks to see what trouble he has gotten us into this time. He has that smirk, you know the one, the I-know-something-you-don't-know smirk. Without turning back to look at us I hear Hetty's voice say, "If you would both care to take a seat I wish to clarify a few points concerning Mr. Deeks' report. So, you were on route to Ms. Clark's apartment when the incident occurred?"

Kensi looks lost, she knows that Hetty can have her quirky moments, but Deeks doesn't seem to share her confusion. In fact, he almost looks smug.

"Wait, what incident?"

"Yes, that's right Hetty. It had all been normal, Agent Blye had been driving and I was showing her pictures from my trip to Egypt. Next thing you know the conversation turned." Deeks says with a glint in his eye. That look he only gets when he is up to something, that something usually involved annoying the crap out of me.

"Turned? Conversation? Hetty, what's going on?"

"Agent Blye. Mr Deeks here turned in a case report that included a rather disturbing conversation between you two. I'm just trying to resolve any issues which may still be lingering."

"Disturbing conversation?" For the life of me I can't work it out. What the hell are they talking about. Oh no. He didn't. He wouldn't. Would he?

"DETECTIVE Deeks. By any chance is Hetty talking about the history lesson I received on the origin of the phrase 'touché'?"

"Actually AGENT Blye I believe my report included the phrase, correct me if I'm wrong now Hetty, 'Agent Blye stood on the top step shaking her derrière in my face chanting the words 'you cannot touch my touché' in a manner which left me feeling rather uncomfortable' and to be honest I'd add a little aroused. Which as the true professional I am, I found totally unacceptable."

He couldn't contain it any longer. The grin broke out across his face when he looked at me. I've never been that great at acting when I'm not undercover. So I can guarantee that the look on my face is a mixture of 'I'm going to kill you' and... Well... That is pretty much it. Hence the grin.

"I agree that given the circumstances and how 'uncomfortable' you felt this is a matter that needs to be addressed."

"Hetty? You can't be serious? I was NOT hitting on Deeks! No way. No how. Uh-uh. Not in this lifetime. You have nothing to worry about."

Does he actually think that angelic little pout is going to work on Hetty? Really? The boy has a lot to learn. I swear he frustrates the hell out of me and when we get away from prying eyes a little impromptu sparring session is needed. With knives.

"Hetty, I'm glad you share my concerns but really I would be happy for a simple apology from Agent Blye." Deeks grinned. Like a Cheshire Cat. He's actually enjoying this. Unbelievable. Has he forgotten what my targets look like after shooting practice? If so I'll happily give him a demonstration, Sam will totally help me hide the body. Wait a second, apology?

"Unfortunately Mr Deeks, I don't feel that will be adequate. No, I fear the only feasible course of action is the dissolution of the partnership. As generally happens with these things, the partnership has simply run it's course. I'll inform Lt Bates of your return to LAPD and request the immediate transfer of another liaison."

I'm speechless. Is Hetty actually splitting us up? Not only that, is she sending Deeks away? Forever? I've got to say something -

"Woah woah woah. Hetty I take it back. I think this was all just one big misunderstanding. Really. No need to send me back to LAPD. No need to split us up at all." Deeks pulled me into the most awkward hug which isn't helped by the fact our chairs are already a foot apart.

"I have no complaints about my little Kensalina. Best partner ever. How about we all forget this ever happened."

I'm pretty sure I'm still glaring at him, only now there's a combination of confusion and seething rage painted on there. Although looking at him now I see behind the big grin is a hint of fear at being banished back to the precinct.

"Hmm, is that so Mr Deeks?"

"Yes! Yes Hetty. All one big mistake." Deeks stutters as he releases me from his death grip and goes to stand. "Now we're all up to speed on that I think I better get back to that stack of paperwork on my desk."

"Sit."

Wow. You really never do get used to that woman's gorgon stare. After all these years it's still really unnerving. Deeks edges back into his chair, does he really think if he moves slow it will stop mama bear from rampaging? Ha.

"Now, Detective Deeks, should you tell me that you are absolutely positive that this situation is simply a misunderstanding then I am inclined to agree with you."

Deeks starts nodding his head like a toy from a cereal box. I'm still too stunned at the whirlwind of information I just got in the past five minutes. Starting with the jackass sitting to my right and his ability to drag me into these genius situations of his. I've got a new aikido stick I've been dying to test out -

"Ms Blye?"

"Huh? Sorry. Yeah, no, I'm good."

"Well then, I believe you have some paperwork to redo, Detective." Hetty says as she hands him the case report back. And if I'm not mistaken she seems to have a twinkle in her eyes. That mischievous glint that I usually see in my partner's eyes whenever he's up to no good, you know like he had 10 minutes ago.

"Yup, not a problem. I'll get on it right away."

We both stand and turn to leave the office before Hetty can change her mind but her voice stops us both in our tracks and I look on with curiosity as she peers over her glasses saying,

"Oh, and in future detective if you wouldn't mind clearing up these misunderstandings BEFORE your reports cross my desk I would really appreciate it. Save us from having anymore of these little chats, yes?"

Deeks replies sheepishly with a murmured,

"Yes. Of course. Sorry."

I watch on in amusement as the great Marty Deeks looks like he's just had his knuckles rapped by the headmistress. Anyone who doesn't know Henrietta Lange may have missed the twitch at the side of her mouth. Luckily I'm not anyone. Sometimes I really love my boss. Now to make the dumbass squirm.

I storm into the bullpen with him hot on my heels to be greeted by Sam and Callen's curious faces. Deeks is trying to get my attention. Clearly he's going to try and use that silver tongue of his to worm his way out of this one. Well I'm not going to make it easy on him.

Grabbing my bag I aim straight for the gym. The look I throw Deeks stops his ramblings before he really gets on a roll. I can't believe he actually told Hetty I was sexually harassing him! As if. I swear I have to wonder if he really has any connection between his brain and his mouth. As I'm just about to round the corner I hear a familiar surfer drawl mutter '... almost as bad as Hetty's death glare...' I snatch an eraser off the nearest desk and in one swift movement I spin back around launching it across the room smacking the back of my partner's head.

"I've got both her hearing and aim too."

"Ow!"

I leave him rubbing the back of his head and can't help but let a small, satisfied smirk creep across my face as I make my way toward the changing rooms.

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